In June of 2013, I tore open a vein in my right leg. It was during a period of physical exertion and it burst. I felt like I had been shot it was so painful. My foot began filling up with blood and within a short period of time, my foot and leg were twice their normal size and blue.
My doctor sent me to a vein specialist. He said it would heal on it’s on, but the healing time was also a dangerous time because while the vein is trying to clot closed, one of those many clots could travel and kill me. He could not give me anti clotting medicine because we wanted the vein to clot and close. I had to wear an orthopedic stocking to keep the swelling to a minimum. My doctor told me I should not fly on a plane until the vein was completely closed. I told him I had a trip to South Beach planned for my 50th birthday planned for the beginning of July. He told me that was too dangerous. I told him I was going. He wheeled his stool over to me and told me in a very serious doctor voice that I didn’t understand the seriousness of what I was dealing with and I could die.
I actually know a man who died from a blood clot that travelled. I told him I did know it was serious and I was going anyway. He gave me instructions for the plane which included constant movement of the leg and to continue wearing the stocking.
The night before I left, I changed my will and had it notarized. I sent it to my brother, my executor, with a note stating “if my optimism fails me”……
I flew out the next morning. I followed my doctor’s instructions completely. I knew this was serious. I met up with friends in Florida and had a great day.
When it was time for bed, I knew this was the dangerous time for me. Sleeping is typically when the blood clots do you in. If one had travelled away from the wound to my heart, lungs or brain, I would not wake up. I laid in bed and thought about my life, those I loved, and my life choices. I decided that I was in a peaceful place. Of course I had regrets, things that I wish I’d done differently. Overall, I felt like I had left a footprint of love and good will. I was loved and had given love. I felt like I had more things in then plus column than the negative. I felt peaceful. If God decided it was time for me to leave, then I am at peace with that. I slept like a baby.
When I woke up, I was grateful to be alive. I had the best vacation with my friends and the memories still make me smile.
If you didn’t know if you were going to wake up tomorrow, and none of us truly do, are you okay with how you’ve lived? If not, what changes do you need to make to change and get in line with your core beliefs?
I am not perfect. I’m a work in progress. I try every day to bring more positive energy to my world than negative. I work hard every day to live as my higher power intended. If I don’t wake up tomorrow, I know where I’ll be.
Peace to you today and always.